


Come to Bed

by artemismagician



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-31 01:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21031547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemismagician/pseuds/artemismagician
Summary: Julian Devorak still wakes up at night, guilty over his past, can the Apprentice shake him from his thoughts so he can finally sleep?





	Come to Bed

Half asleep, I turned over to grasp onto Julian. When I found the space he usually lay empty, my eyes opened lazily. Squinting in the dark, and patting over the space next to me, I found I was, indeed, alone. 

Sitting up, I looked around the room we used in the back of the clinic, doubling as our home and a place to help people. Frowning, I stood from the bed, wanting to find the gangly doctor I called my lover. 

The clinic was silent, save for the light steps I took as I searched. A light could be seen under one of the doors, Julian’s office. 

I rolled my eyes. He was such a workaholic, it didn’t surprise me he was up in the middle of the night, probably studying. His tenacity was one of the reasons I fell in love with him, but I wanted to cuddle now. 

I opened the door without a knock, hoping to catch him off guard so I could tease him about the late hours he kept. A lamp on his desk illuminated his form, hunched over his desk with his face buried into his hands. What alerted me that something was wrong, was the way I saw his shoulder’s spasm with every wracking sob. 

My voice caught in my throat, heart clenching at the realization of what I had walked in on. He had not yet noticed I was in the room, so I could easily turn around and give him his privacy. 

But sadness is not something you should go through alone. 

“Sweetheart?” I said, not moving from where I stood.

Julian’s head jerked from his hands, staring wide eyed at me. His eyes were bloodshot enough to where his healthy one looked indistinguishable from the one that had been affected by the plague. He quickly went to wipe his eyes, trying to hide what I already knew. 

“Hello darling,” His voice was hoarse. “What are you doing awake?” 

I gave him a lopsided smile, trying not to rush to him and throw my arms around him. If he wanted help, I wanted him to be the one to ask for it. We had been through so much together, and since we had met - for the second time - I had been the one to pick him up when he felt like he could not stand alone. He had grown so much in these last years, but depression and guilt were not something that disappeared in a night. 

“I missed you. I was hoping I could convince you to come to bed.” 

“Ah.” He cast his sight downward. “Sorry. I’ll - um - be right there, okay? I just have to clean up a little.” 

Silence fell between us, and he knew he had been caught. Running a hand through his auburn hair, he sighed.

“You don’t have to go through this alone,” I said, feeling tears prickle at my eyes. I was a sympathetic crier, and knowing the amount of pain he was likely feeling now hurt my heart. 

He touched lightly at his neck where his magical mark from the Hanged Man once rested. He didn’t look up at me when he spoke.

“People didn’t die when I had that mark.” He looked pained. “You wouldn’t have died if I had that mark.” 

“You can’t blame yourself for the past. I knew the risks of staying in Vesuvia, and I knew the risks of working with a Plague Doctor.” 

He clenched the hand still wrapped in his hair, before he laid them both at the desk in front of him, clenching his fists hard. His eyes met mine, and I could see a flurry of emotions within them.

“I should have been able to protect you. I should have been able to keep you from dying, but I didn’t.” He lifted both arms to gesture to me, then spread them to his sides. “And here you are! Asra was the one who saved you. Asra was the one who gave you a second chance. And I…” He slumped backwards in his chair, looking to the ceiling. “Asra was the better man. He’s always been the better man.” 

“Julian -” 

“Do you ever wish you had chosen Asra, instead of me?” 

I stared at him, mouth agape. Was he serious? I set my jaw, knowing he was. This happened every so often, his depression and insecurities would bring him to feel this way, as if he didn’t deserve me. As if he didn’t deserve to be happy. 

I walked towards him, apparently startling him by how quickly I moved from the way his eyes widened. When he met my eyes, he flinched. I moved his chair to face me, falling to my knees between his legs, wrapping my arms around his waist, and burying my face in his chest. 

I felt his arms around my shoulders, then the touch of his face against the crown of my head, leaning down and curling into me. I wondered if the positioning made his back hurt, given how tall he was. He started to sob into my hair, and I only clenched him tighter. He had to know he wasn’t alone. I needed him to know. 

Still in my position between his legs, I moved back so I could meet his eyes. Reaching out, I wiped away the tears that fell to his cheeks, running my thumb over his quivering lips. 

“I do love Asra,” I murmured. He let out another sob, as if the admission physically hurt him. I knew about their past, and how much that relationship had hurt him. I also knew about how insecure he was about my closeness to Asra, sometimes worrying I would leave him to be with my Master. I wasn’t finished though. “But not like I love you.” 

He didn’t say anything, once again casting his gaze downward as he wiped away more tears that fell. 

“Julian, look at me.” 

He hesitated, but knew better than to refuse. 

“Julian, I love you. I want to spend my forever with you. I chose you because of how happy you make me, because of how beautiful of a person you are.” I paused, biting my lip. How could I convince him tonight that I wasn’t going anywhere? “Because you are a good person.” 

He opened his mouth, likely to interject and tell me I was wrong. That he could not change the things he has done, and that marked him as bad for the rest of his life.

“Don’t speak.” My voice was soft, but he knew by my tone that he should listen. “You try every day to be better than who you were yesterday. No one can change the past, but you are changing your future. You deserve good things, because you are a good person.” 

I watched as his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, still not saying anything. 

“Speak.” 

“I love you,” he murmured, grinning wide, tears in the corners of his eyes. “I love you so much.”

I stood, wrapping my arms around his neck, pushing his face into my chest. “I love you too.” Letting go, I tilted his chin up, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “Now come to bed.”


End file.
